
Classical Composer
Original Academic Papers
Below are my original academic papers. I have a lot to learn, so I encourage you to critique them (my email is Music@Joshuakyan.com). Regarding my background, I graduated from UC Berkeley ('20-'22) but with a bachelor's in music. After that, I briefly attended the Eastman School of Music for a master's in composition before dropping out due to creative differences. Most of what I know in math, physics, and philosophy comes from self-study. My family moved a lot when I was a kid, so I missed out on years of school and ended up learning mostly from the internet.

Power in paradox.
On the Beauty of Contradiction in Christ

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Date: June 3, 2025
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Pages: 3
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Subjects: Philosophy, Theology
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Notes: This essay is not meant to take a side (atheist vs. Christian). Rather, it is an attempt to put the tension of a very specific type of paradoxical beauty into words.
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Lincoln Cathedral, Lincoln, United Kingdom (Photo by Matthew Feeney)
Background
This is my first philosophical essay. It’s based on two mirrored arcs:
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The Divine Paradox, where the Infinite bleeds in boundless mercy.
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The Potemkin Miracle, where even if the Gospels were only myth, the impact is still real.
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In early 2024, I became very interested in theology and philosophy. I used to attend weekly RCIA classes at my local Catholic parish for months. I wanted to commit to the faith but felt like I didn’t have the right to call myself a proper Christian until I could answer all of my objections. At the same time, I worried that choosing atheism would pull me into total nihilism.
After months of questioning, I still found myself not ready to accept the creed, so I decided to live as an atheist for about a week. To my surprise, the emptiness I feared was quickly overshadowed by something else: the idea that even if Christianity were only a legend, it still inspired very real things! I thought about Bach’s St Matthew Passion, Europe’s cathedrals, Kepler’s laws of planetary motion, etc. The idea of a Potemkin facade giving birth to humanity’s tangible masterpieces has been stuck in my head ever since. It’s something I think about a lot in my own art as well (for example, my piece “The Lovely Abyss”, which is based on my opera “Aric”, is inspired by this very same luminous contradiction!)



